Am I Ready?

rockwallk
Daniel helping our sweet K climb the rock wall.

 

Am I ready? The question which permeates my mind on a constant basis as I stare down the barrel of the Ukraine adoption process; a daunting task at the least. There are struggles, difficulties, concerns, fears, and risks which surround us on all sides. Furthermore, the accuser stands ever willing and able to meet us on the battleground of our minds, desiring to capitalize on pre-existing plights. Beyond these lay my own private insecurities; am I good enough to be a father to these children, and my own at the same time; is this the right decision for our family; will we struggle financially? Let me dig a bit deeper and reveal a very real concern, one which affects much of my Christian life even beyond this adoption; is the sacrifice of my comfort and worth it? Am I ready?

Am I ready? This is the thought hanging like a cloud in the back of my mind ready to spring into action at the first sign of hardship and struggle. This is the question whispered into my ear by the enemy of enemies. Am I ready? So I asked the Lord if I was ready, because I certainly did not feel ready, and there is honestly a part of me that does not want to let go of the simplicity and comfort that is our current life. Am I ready Lord? He responded to my question with another question.

“Am I ready, Lord?”

“Daniel,” the Lord said, “are you ready not to?”

What does that mean? How am I supposed to answer that? I started down the list of possible meanings: Am I ready not to be a father of 12? Am I ready not to spend an excess of $55,000? Am I ready not to have the emotional stress that will be included along the way?

Then it hit me – these were all questions focused specifically on me. What the Lord was really asking me was am I ready and willing to continue living my drab Christian life of comfort while these children remain orphaned. Am I ready to not be their father, implying that they will continue having no father. Am I able to look at the broken hearted, lonely, and oppressed, having been given the resources to help to then just turn away unemotionally? What cold sinful heart lies within?

 James 2:14-16: “What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well” – but then don’t give to that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?”

 What was being asked of me was am I willing to look a hurting soul, face to face, and turn away? If so, then my faith is dead. Regardless if I pay tithe every paycheck, attend every worship service, memorize all the sanctioned scriptures, and even sit in the front row of the church; if I refuse to help the hurting … my faith is useless. Do the destitute applaud my strenuous “religious” efforts? No, they simply want a coat, a meal…a father.

So the question remains, am I ready? Or am I ready to refuse the call of God upon the life of every believer who has been set free from bondage? The call to be the practical hands and feet of Christ. Am I ready? Are you ready?

– D



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